Sorry I haven't updated my art recently, but... Well, my life has certainly become... interesting. With a car that is becoming faster and faster with each new day, a new job......

And a someone who has ignited the flames of love and passion within me that haven't burned for so long or so intensely that.. I'd forgotten what they feel like. Unfortunately, this particular interest will never come to anything remotely like a life-long relationship. It's amazing how fate can make a guy... completely confused - and totally unsure of oneself. Heh, cute, huh?

I've been single for over four years - no dates, no girlfriends - and no, in case you're wondering, I have no 'friends with benefits'. But, suddenly - I would give the world for this person, but... she's... married.

The thing that drives me absolutely crazy is that, despite my honorable nature, my... my instinctual habit being a 'gentleman' at all times, I can't help but... not want to care that she's married - and that's what makes me so confused, this is NOT like me. I've let the only other two women who have ever affected me at anything nearly this DEEPLY in this manner (and sadly, they pale in comparison) go - I knew I'd never be able to fill the space of husband and lover, and support them the way they needed it.

But goddamnit - for once I don't care about the long term - and even when I do, I can't help but feel that if given a chance, it would work out beautifully. What the hell is wrong with me? ...A better question - IS there anything wrong with me? Is it right to feel this way? I don't think I've ever felt like this before - it's like part of me has had my confidence has been stripped away, and yet at the same time, part of me is bold enough to try to make this work.

Bloody hell, I'm probably not making any sense at all, anymore. All I know is that... I want her with every bit of my being, but I can't have her. I have never felt this way - I've never been so confused by this... It's basicly been how my life has gone - not being able to be with someone I care about and have feelings this -rediculously- strong for in this manner - it has been that way for so long that I'd grown used to it. I've never before been so completely torn up about it... Her voice makes me feel all electrified inside, yet soothed, and comfortable - content, happy. She's absolutely beautiful, even though she won't admit it - and she's smart, caring, warm... she has an addictive personality. Damnit, why can't something like this EVER be simple... I don't know what the hell to think... and I don't think I want to say anymore about this.

------

Anyway, on happier (and less controversial) topics, our Civic has grown faster and faster. The ugly little black hatchback Autocross-racing machine has become quite the little cornering monstrosity - as I tell most people, "It'll rip your spleen out around the bends." And, honestly, sometimes it feels like it could, heh. My father and I will likely have a car that'll be in championship-form this upcoming racing season ('08), and I think I'll be posting that either he or I will have won that championship at the end of next year. ~Knocks on wood~

My nephew will be getting a racing kart for Autocross sometime in the next month or two, my father will be buying it for him - he'll be turning 10 in I think October. Truth be told, I'm a little jealous - I kinda wish I'd been raised, starting with racing karts, like he'll have the chance to, now. I wish him the best of luck, and my family will be giving him all the support we can... At least until he starts beating us.

The Accord just underwent significant drivetrain overhauling - rear engine mount, which was significantly weakened from overstressing; rear main seal on the engine; raplacement (performance) clutch; resurfaced flywheel; tranny-side polurethane engine mount inserts to reduce engine torquing under extreme acceleration/deceleration bursts... That's just some of the stuff that wears and tears that racing-AND-daily-driven combo cars are put through. Oh well. It's what happens when you want to race. And right now, frankly, that car is the only thing that I can truly depend on... more than myself.

Yay for being a hopeless cause. Sometimes I wonder if I'm losing my touch on reality...

-Shuriken

PS - I completed my first serious music video recently, and though this was posted before it was actually completed, here ya go:
[link]
Enjoy!